I felt I needed to reflect.
I felt I needed to reflect.
And so in my room I sat on my bed and started writing this instead.
It was for me the way to ease off that feeling I could not understand. Or probably I was afraid to realise the turmoil occuring within myself. It is like somewhere I know what I feel bt I also don't know.
I always see in others that which would probably be in me too. I am here talking about the bad things. Like drivelling.
I feel so confused. I think of myself. Of my past. My present. I would so much like to know my future but then what? Life would not be as exciting and meaningful and mysterious if I was to know everything about it.
So at least I know I am waitng for the unknown to be known in its own time. Yes. Time...
But what about my past? All that happened to me. All that which marked me. A scar lies somewhere in me. Incurable. No. Time cures everything. Except memories. Happiness is a bad memory. But am I not happy now?
I don't know. But i don't complain. What happen to me are God's will and my fate. I believe in fate. Strongly.
Sometimes i don't know what I want in life. Where am I heading?
I'm afraid. I'm strong but so weak.
So finally I've not been reflecting. I've been writing. I've been writing this to find that in me is something more than sadness, regrets, confusion. A pain. Deep inside myself. It's...it's a pain.
Could this be the reason of my behaviour, my way of thinking or my way of talking? I don't know.
I just feel it there and i feel I can't have it out. Is a pain not also a joy?
I feel it somehow like that.
But what about that confusion that haunts me. To whom am I going to talk. I don't feel I can since I am confused. Where will I start. What will I say. It's just like I am silenced. Yes just like I am tongue-tied. But...Silenced by what?
This is my pain. No. Partly. My confusion. My utter confusion.
Now...What would be or could be my pain in a whole?...
Even I feel I am confused whether I am confused or not...About what?...
Why did it happen to me...
But...WHAT happened to me precisely?...
And so in my room I sat on my bed and started writing this instead.
It was for me the way to ease off that feeling I could not understand. Or probably I was afraid to realise the turmoil occuring within myself. It is like somewhere I know what I feel bt I also don't know.
I always see in others that which would probably be in me too. I am here talking about the bad things. Like drivelling.
I feel so confused. I think of myself. Of my past. My present. I would so much like to know my future but then what? Life would not be as exciting and meaningful and mysterious if I was to know everything about it.
So at least I know I am waitng for the unknown to be known in its own time. Yes. Time...
But what about my past? All that happened to me. All that which marked me. A scar lies somewhere in me. Incurable. No. Time cures everything. Except memories. Happiness is a bad memory. But am I not happy now?
I don't know. But i don't complain. What happen to me are God's will and my fate. I believe in fate. Strongly.
Sometimes i don't know what I want in life. Where am I heading?
I'm afraid. I'm strong but so weak.
So finally I've not been reflecting. I've been writing. I've been writing this to find that in me is something more than sadness, regrets, confusion. A pain. Deep inside myself. It's...it's a pain.
Could this be the reason of my behaviour, my way of thinking or my way of talking? I don't know.
I just feel it there and i feel I can't have it out. Is a pain not also a joy?
I feel it somehow like that.
But what about that confusion that haunts me. To whom am I going to talk. I don't feel I can since I am confused. Where will I start. What will I say. It's just like I am silenced. Yes just like I am tongue-tied. But...Silenced by what?
This is my pain. No. Partly. My confusion. My utter confusion.
Now...What would be or could be my pain in a whole?...
Even I feel I am confused whether I am confused or not...About what?...
Why did it happen to me...
But...WHAT happened to me precisely?...
posted by Amina C at 3:59 PM
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